This year is Jackson's 2nd year in life skills and though I was disappointed in this particular route at first, I have been amazed at not only the most awesome teacher that he has, but what all he has learned in that class. I love him being where he is, his teacher loves to watch him problem solve and each day he amazes her with something whether is be a new saying or the way he can memorize peoples names in written form and regardless of what order they are in can say them correctly each time. This year he was big man on campus, not because he was the oldest but because he was seasoned in the routine and there were new students coming to the class. From what I understand Jackson has had a great beginning in class this year. He has become very tolerant of the new students in class as they play with "his" toys. He shows them around, helps them do different activities, very much a leader. I am so proud of him for seeing a need and helping those who are new it's a trait I have seen in all of my children. He has also not had any accidents during school, not that I'm surprised, but still after 3 months of being away I never know how he'll react, however, his classroom is his second home and his teacher is his 2nd mom and for that I am so thankful! Of course he loves to be able to eat pizza and corndogs, get on the bus (which is now not a chore getting him ready), and looks forward to his day!
Now I realize that my first paragraph and my second are in great conflict as the second paragraph does not portray any of the feelings that I mentioned...that happens now.
I am so glad that he has some consistency and a person that will fight for him when I am unable to. This year we chose to pull him out of daycare and put him in the after school program funded by United Way called Connections. At meet the teacher I signed him up and stated that he was special needs, they relayed that it was not a problem and that they had another child last year who was special needs. The program was 3/4 less a week and in the school which is a couple of blocks from my house. Though I know he had established relationships with his teachers at Day Care, I felt that the after school program would be something he could handle.
The first day was a nightmare! The program director was there, I had been called to come pick him up after less than 45 minutes of him being there. The main worker had been overwhelmed by Jack along with the other 2 ladies that work at Connections. They had stated that they were not prepared for him, blah, blah, blah. M (who is the lady in charge at Connections) stated that she has had a lot of stress over the past month dealing with a mild stroke she had plus she also had 4 children of her own. (insert huge eye roll here!) They said they would give him a couple of weeks to give him time to settle in...to which I stated that it would take a "typical child" a couple of weeks to settle in and that it would be impossible to put a time limit on him! It was almost as if they were just waiting for him to fail so they could find a reason to kick him out of the program. So I told them that I would help them in anyway I could and that Jack's teacher also did not mind helping to understand behaviors and give pointers as she brought him in. They were happy we wanted to help them.
Day 2 - Called again to come pick him up because he had messed himself. They stated that they were not allowed to touch the children and therefore couldn't help him! They also told me that it took all 3 of them to handle him. Now let me just say for the record that at no time has it ever taken 3 people to take care of Jack and as a matter of fact I have had a high schooler that Jack did not know take care of him and his 3 siblings for 8 hours a day for 3 days with no problem! Moving on....I told them I would supply them with toys for Jack to play with so he would be distracted and hopefully would begin to settle down. After that cold conversation (the chill coming from them) I took Jack home completely dirty.
Day 3 & 4 By this time I had enough of the excuses. Every day so far Jack's teacher had been coming with him and staying for at least 15 minutes after school to help explain things to the ladies, to get them to understand that speaking to Jackson is different than speaking to other children when you need him to do something. It is necessary to speak in direct statements than to use excessive fluff. For example, to most children you would say "I need you to pick up the toys so that other children will not step on them" that is considered fluff. What Jack hears during this time is similar to the teacher of Charlie Brown "wah, wah, wah wah, wah wahwah, wah. When needs to be said is "Jack pick up your toys, clean up, clean up" as you are singing the song and he sings with you. His feelings do not get hurt when you are short and firm with him, it's what he responds to effectively. So after seeing that he was being pushed to the side (as a brush off) and after hearing M complain once again about Jack's behavior and her stress level I went off! I simply stated, don't tell me about stress! I have 72 students in my class of which 20 students have failed their TAKS test and I have 7 months to bring them up to level and pass their test. I am also a mother of 4 with 3 children who have ADD or ADHD. I also am in the middle of my 2nd master's degree of Curriculum and Instruction and was in car accident almost 2 years ago from which I am still having pain...so don't tell me YOU are STRESSED!! I also proceeded to call the program director and explain what had happened and that if she was so stressed, maybe this was not the job for her. The director explained that she would bring her in and speak with her and let her know that this situation will work and if she wasn't on board she needed to find another job.
Day 5 was awesome! The program director was there, playing with Jack and his toys, no messes in his pants and the attitudes of the ladies had begun to improve it was a great way to begin a weekend! Then the next week came!
Jack's teacher began to notice the distance between the ladies and Jack. She noticed that they really didn't want him there almost as if they were waiting for someone to give up and have Jack leave. This attitude has yet to leave! However, one of the ladies, who is a college student, began to step up. She made Jack a chart to let Jack know how everything would happen and even put Jack's Toy Story toys on the chart when it was play time. I was excited that she would do this for him. With all the resistance we had seen is was a complete change of heart from her. They began to connect and throughout the week he would get closer to her as she played with him. Once again he had an accident, which after last week I had given them written permission to change him, however Jack would not allow them to touch him. Now it is important to understand that a special needs child can see to the very heart of your soul! They can read people better than anyone I have ever seen. They can tell a fake and this will be expressed by ignoring a person, disrespecting them or not allowing to touch the child. Once the child has figured out a person it is very difficult for them to change their mind. A soul is a very complicated area to change and they know that so they are very leary until it is very obvious something has changed. He has found that this is true for the other 2 ladies and for the one he plays with he knows he can walk all over her and now that he has figured that out, she'll never be able to control him! It's kind of like training a dog...now I know what you're thinking, he's not a dog, how could I ever compare?
Well with my explanation, hopefully you'll see the similarities. When my eldest son tried to train his dog, he did not have the commanding voice when speaking with her, so she treated him like another dog and she jumps on him, plays with him, and basically walks all over him, she just will not listen to him. When my husband or myself begins to speak to her we command automatic attention. Our voices state that we are serious and when we tell her to do something she knows we mean business. The same type of tone is also necessary for Jack. If you can not use your parent voice to tell him to do something and simply don't have the balls (for lack of a better term) to talk to him in such a manner, he knows you are not serious and will not listen to you regardless of how mad you get. If the voice does not change, then neither will he. (I'm sure I have not explained this well enough, but hopefully you get the idea.) This happened last year too, but luckily there was one with a parent voice to stop him.
So last week we realized that they were feeding him apple juice which was a huge no no as it a food allergy for him. Therefore prompting me to print out his 5 page bio so they would know what to do and what to feed him, which I have also since given to several other people so they can begin to understand. He had also hit one of the ladies on the head (which is not a big deal considering he still can not communicate effectively verbally) He didn't knock her out, he was just frustrated and considering she has been giving me "tude" I was kinda glad that it happened...but I digress! So by the end of the week, I was speaking with the lady who was shadowing him and she stated that things were getting better and I wanted her to know that we were there for her if she needed anything and to write things down so we could better educate her! On Thursday or Friday, I decided to call the program director to see if she had found some training for the ladies so they could take care of him more effectively. She said that she had not and that their was no funding for training, so unless it was free, it wouldn't happen. She also went on to say that Jack is really stressing out the staff and that this may not be the best program for him. She said that they would give in another week or so, but that something really needed to change. I was floored!! I couldn't believe this was coming out of her mouth. It was less than a week ago that she said that this will work, she was in complete support of this happening and now it wasn't a good fit? She also stated that she was getting complaints from other parents because Jack had pushed another child...of course I have no idea of what the other child did, but I guess that's irrelevant. She also stated that he was taking away from the other children. I told her I would think about everything that was said and talk to her next week. So you know what I did right????
I did what any fighting parent would do and contacted a lawyer! How can a program funded by the state and United Way discriminate against a special needs child? It was my understanding that anything held in a public place and funded by the government was open for any and EVERY child? I thought it was THEIR job to make sure they were trained for this particular challenge? As a teacher it is my job to change how I teach the lesson so that it will include all of my children regardless of the ability...so why is this not the same for them? It is my understanding that they are also to provide lesson plans every day to show how they "take care" of the kids...if this is true, then it would include them sitting on the butts and not doing a blessed thing and that Jack has actually made them work to earn their paycheck! Why can't people understand that not everyone works inside the box, that sometimes you have to think outside the box to grab those who think differently regardless of ability? Why don't people see children with special needs as an opportunity grow and be better than who they were before? Why don't they see the potential these children have? Do you not see the smile on Jack's face, do you not yourself find a smile on your face when he leaves? Why is keeping him for an hour so impossible??? Now let me say that my reasons for contacting a lawyer is to see what exactly Jack's rights are and if they are being violated. It is my hope that things will change, training will be made available and that the ladies will learn to adapt to Jack making this situation a successful one and thus making a breakthrough to open doors for other children like Jack. But I am also willing to fight further if necessary, but I'm hoping we will not go there!
Which now leads my to expressing my Next step. At our church we have something called our next step, which in a nut shell promotes us to be outward focused instead of inward. For a long time I have tried to figure out what that was and after July it came to me. It was like a bolt of lightening, a revelation of what my next step was going to be. For the past 4 years I have worked in a school that has everything fighting against it. Children coming in completely unprepared and yet we as teachers begin to fight before they even set foot inside the doors ready and willing to take whatever we are given and ensuring that our children will be successful that they will see we never give up and will never give up on them because they are our future! We band together to provide the best education for our babies and we rally in success at the end of the year. If it hadn't been for this school I would never fully understand how to fight. How to never give up even when it looks bleak and to be able to celebrate and cheer in all the success they have accomplished and see how they come back and thank you for helping be the best they can be. So after July and seeing the ignorance first hand in an area of my life that I thought it would never exist I decided it was time to do something about it!
So as my next step I plan to open an after school program for special needs kids. I got the idea from an after school program in San Antonio called Eva's Heroes. After looking into it and seeing the need I knew this was something I had to do...it was something I needed Jack to have. After speaking with a friend of mine and seeing the excitement in her eyes I knew I had another partner in crime...my first partner being my husband. I had tossed around a few names of which had never really wow'd me or my other PIC's (partners in crime), however after Jack's first week in the after school program I spoke with my friend J who I knew would understand what I was going through and told her I was at a crossroads...to which she said...that's it...that's the name! So after the chills calmed down on my arms I realized it was the name! Sometimes it is necessary to go through what we have been through to be able to truly see what we are up against and what so many others fight daily. So CROSSROADS will be the name of the after school program that will promote relationships between special needs children and typical children that will be geared to the individual. It will be something that will help prepare our children for being a fruitful part of society. We will work with other businesses to put our kids in a job that will provide benefits for the child and will educate the business to help change how they do things to benefit their new hire. It is my hopes that we will be able to benefit elementary through high school and beyond. It is my hope that we can train our older children to become independent, learn to cook, apply for a job and keep a job. It is my hope that Crossroads will be a positive force in our society where we can help break barriers against disabilities and see effective change that allows our children to have a voice! I know that everything happens for a reason. I know I am a fighter...I've known that for many years! I have also realized that there is a reason for this...Jack! My husband said that if there was something I could ever give to my kids it would be my strength...I couldn't help but laugh because there are many times in which I do not feel that strong, however I do know that nothing will ever stop me from doing what is right! I always fight for what I want and 99% of the time I win, which in this case is a good thing. So many times I have fallen apart, questioning why me, and many times it is always done in the privacy of me myself and I because I quickly begin to suck it up and realize that though it feels good to let go and realize I can not do this alone, I also realize that so many depend on what I do and therefore it is also important that I not wallow in what will never be, but plan for what will be and the greatness of that future. To know that this program will help so many kids, to know that their parents will have the piece of mind that their children are safe, provided for, and loved it what I look toward. To be able to provide care for these children at little to no-cost to the parent who provides substantial monetary expenses for all the other daily needs and understand we are here for them. To provide peace, understanding, and education to a better future that is what keeps me going!
So this after school business that we are fighting against to open the doors for other children with special needs is only the beginning of the break through you will see from us! We will not go quiet, for if God is for us, who can ever stand against us!
